still looking for me….

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
A “jiffy” is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
A snail can sleep for three years.
Al Capones’s business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
Almonds are a member of the peach family.
An ostrich’s eye is bigger than its brain.
Babies are born without kneecaps. They don’t appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
“Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.
February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
It’s impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
“Stewardesses” is the longest word typed with only the left hand and “lollipop” with your right.
The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing.
The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet.
The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
The words ‘racecar,’ ‘kayak’ and ‘level’ are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
There are more chickens than people in the world.
There are only four words in the English language which end in “dous”: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: “abstemious” and “facetious.”
There’s no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
Winston Churchill was born in a ladies’ room during a dance.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.

…………Now you know everything

The ten most polite ways to tell a man his zipper is down………

10. The cucumber has left the salad.
9. Quasimodo needs to go back in the tower and tend to his bells.
8. You need to bring your tray table to the upright and locked position.
7. Paging Mr. Johnson… Paging Mr. Johnson..
6. Elvis is leaving the building.
5. The Buick is not all the way in the garage.
4. Our next guest is someone who needs no introduction.
3. You’ve got a security breach at Los Pantalones.
2. Men may be From Mars…..but I can see something that rhymes with Venus.
1. I always knew you were crazy, but now I can see your nuts.

1. I have absolutely no idea where my purse is.2. I believe that dancing with my arms overhead and wiggling my butt while yelling “woo-hoo!” is truly the sexiest dance move around.3. I’ve suddenly decided i want to kick someone’s ass and honestly believe i could do it too.4. In my last trip to pee, i realize i now look more like a homeless hooker than the goddess i was just four hours ago.5. I drop my 3:00 a.m. submarine sandwich on the floor (which i’m eating even though i’m not the least bit hungry), pick it up and carry on eating it.6. I start crying and telling everyone i see that i love them sooooo much.7. I get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new song plays because “oh my god! I love this song!”8. I’ve found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me.9. The man i’m flirting with used to be my 5th grade teacher.10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, stand on a table (bar perhaps?) And sing or dance becomes strangely overwhelming.11. My eyes just don’t seem to want to stay open on their own so I keep them half closed and think it looks exotically sexy.12. I’ve suddenly taken up smoking and become really good at it.13. I yell at the bartender, who (i think) cheated me by giving me just lemonade, but that’s just because i can no longer taste the gin.14. I think i’m in bed, but my pillow feels strangely like the kitchen floor15. I start every conversation with a booming, “don’t take this the wrong way but…”16. I fail to notice that the toilet lid’s down when i sit on it.17. My hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.18. I’m tired so i just sit on the floor (wherever i happen to be standing) and take a quick nap.19. I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cutdown on the time i’m in the bathroom away from my drink.20. I take my shoes off because i believe it’s their fault that i’m having problems walking straight. 

Fine
This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Five Minutes
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. Nothing
This is the calm before the storm. This means “something” and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with “nothing” usually end in “fine”. Go Ahead
This is a dare, not permission, DON’T DO IT! Loud Sigh
Although not actually a word, the loud sigh is often misunderstood by men. A “Loud Sigh” means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over “Nothing”. That’s Okay
This is one of the most dangerous statements that woman can make to a man. “That’s Okay” means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. Thanks
This is the least used of all words in the female vocabulary. If a woman is thanking you. Do not question it, just say you’re welcome and back out of the room slowly.

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.2. You haven’t played solitaire with real cards in years.3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don’t have e-mail addresses.6. You go home after a long day at work and you still answer the phone in a business manner. 7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial “9″ to get an outside line.8. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o’clock news.11. Your boss doesn’t have the ability to do your job.12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home.13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn’t have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.15. You get up in the morning and go online before getting your coffee.16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
17. You’re reading this and nodding and laughing.18. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn’t a #9 on this list.AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

1. You’ve ever ended a sentence with the word “SIKE”
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the “Fresh Prince of Bellaire” and you can do the “
Carlton”.
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil’ Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that “WHOA ” comes from Joey on Blossom.
8. You know what Parachute Pants look like and feel like
9. If you ever watched “Fraggle Rock”.
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars… and playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound ffect.
11. You can sing the entire theme song to “DuckTales ” (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday Morning to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ” on the big screen… and still know the turtles names.
15. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
16. You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
17. You played the game “MASH ” (Mansion, Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore a stonewashed Jordache jean jacket and were proud of it.
19.
L.A. Gear….need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to “JEM “. (She’s truly outrageous.)
21. You remember reading “Tales of a fourth grade nothing” and all the Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of “WAX ON, WAX OFF”
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school… and traded Garbage Pail kids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say “NOT ” after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure you kept saying “I know you are, but what am I?”
36. You remember “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up”
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You’ve gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Your motto was “Don’t worry, be happy.”
44. You wore like, FOUR pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down and over your tight jeans.
46. You remember boom boxes. . and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both “Gremlins ” movies.
48. You know what it meant to say “Care Bear Stare!!”
49. You remember watching “Rainbow Bright” and “My Little Pony”
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember them when they were cool& don’t even flinch when people refer to them as “NKOTB”.
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on “Saved By The Bell,” The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi – SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. Frizzy hair was IN.
60. You still sing “We are the World”
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a banana clip.
63. You remember “Where’s the Beef?”
64. You used to (and probably still do) say “What you talkin’ about Willis?”
65. You’re still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren’t you!!!

There is a dangerous virus being passed electronically, orally and by hand. You can receive this virus from any of your colleagues, your boss or anyone else via any means.

This virus is called Worm-Overload- Recreational-Killer (WORK).

It will wipe out your private life completely. If you should come into contact with WORK put your jacket on and take two good friends to the nearest bar. Purchase the antidote known as Work-Isolator-Neutralizer-Extractor (WINE) or Bothersome-Employer-Eliminator-Rebooter (BEER). Take the antidote repeatedly until WORK has been completely eliminated from your system.

America
Current mood: aggravated