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So I took the liberty to bring you “The Girls Cheat Code to Boys”! Enjoy…Words in Pink are the original text. This also includes the subtitles which I have placed in white just to confuse you. Haha!
Words in Blue are my cynical thoughts.
WHEN I FLIP MY HAIR
What a girl wants her boy to do- PLAY WITH MY HAIR
What a boy wants his girl to do- ADMIRE MY KILLER HAIR, IT TOOK THREE BOTTLES OF GEL TO GET IT THIS SHINY
WHEN I RUN AWAY FROM YOU
Girl- CHASE ME
Boy- GET AWAY FROM ME BECAUSE YOU EITHER 1. HAVE REALLY BAD BREATH AND I DONT WANT TO RISK THE CHANCE OF YOU KISSING ME IF I STAY OR 2. YOU DID SOMETHING INCREDIBLY STUPID AND I DONT WANT PEOPLE TO ASSOCIATE ME WITH YOU
WHEN I POUT MY LIPS
Girl- KISS ME
Boy- I WANT PITY. PITY ME, PITY ME AND THEN LAY A WET SLOBBERY KISS ON ME.
WHEN I KICK & PUNCH
Girl- HOLD ME TIGHT
Boy- IM PROBABLY IN A FIGHTING MOOD AND WILL END UP HITTING YOU IN THE PROCESS OF HITTING MY TARGET. BUT IF YOU ARE THE ONE IM HITTING THEN YOU DESERVED IT. ALL YOU GIRLS ARE THE SAME AND DESERVE TO BE HIT ONCE IN A WHILE.
WHEN I CALL YOU A LOSER
Girl- JUST KNOW THAT YOUR MY LOSER
Boy- WAIT A MINUTE..I KNOW THIS TRICK. IF I CALL YOU A LOSER YOU’LL START TO POUT AND GET ALL MOODY CAUSE HEAVEN FORBID I JOKE AROUND A LITTLE BIT IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
WHEN I AM SILENT
Girl- IM THINKIN OF HOW TO SAY I LOVE YOU
Boy- IM PROBABLY IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING IMPORTANT AND WOULD MUCH RATHER NOT LISTEN TO YOU GO ON ABOUT YOUR NAIL POLISH BEING CHIPPED. SO WHY DON’T YOU SHUT IT BEFORE I SHUT IT FOR YOU.
WHEN I IGNORE YOU
Girl- I WANT ALL YOUR ATTENTION
Boy- YOU PROBABLY TICKED ME OFF, IN WHICH CASE IM GOING TO KEEP IGNORING YOU UNTIL YOU FINALLY BREAK DOWN AND SEND ME LITTLE MESSAGES ABOUT HOW YOU WANT TO KILL YOURSELF CAUSE OF ME. (hey…this one isn’t that far fetched)
WHEN I PULL AWAY
Girl- GRAB ME BY THE WAIST AND NEVER LET GO
Boy- YOURE PROBABLY TOO CLOSE IN WHICH CASE BACK OFF. MEN NEED THEIR MAN SPACE YOU KNOW. WE HAVE CERTAIN JETTIES THAT CAN’T BE SQUASHED.
WHEN YOU SEE ME AT MY WORST
Girl- TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL
Boy- WAIT, WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL IF YOU LOOK LIKE CRAP CAUSE YOU WERE TOO LAZY TO COMB YOUR HAIR AND PUT ON SOME MAKE-UP. YOU NEVER TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL WHEN I LOOK LIKE CRAP. ALL YOU DO IS CRINGE. WOMEN ARE SUCH HYPOCRITES.
WHEN I SCREAM AT YOU
Girl- TELL ME YOU LOVE ME AND MEAN IT
Boy- YOU STUPID NO GOOD FOR NOTHING WOMAN! YOU MEAN THAT? OH, WELL, MAYBE SHE IS ONE. YOU DESERVE ME TO YELL AT YOU IF YOU SCREW UP. AND IM NOT GOING TO TELL YOU I LOVE YOU IF YOU START B!TCH!IN ME OUT. ILL GET IN MY CAR, LEAVE, AND IGNORE YOU FOR DAYS.
WHEN YOU SEE ME WALKING
Girl-SNEAK UP BEHIND ME GRAB ME BY THE WAIST AND GIVE ME A KISS
Boy- I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO SO STOP INTERFEREING WITH MY STRIDE.
IF I DONT CALL YOU
Girl- IM WANTING YOU TO CALL ME
Boy- 1. YOU DID SOMETHING TO PI$$ ME OFF. IN WHICH CASE ID RATHER CHEW OFF MY OWN EAR THAN LISTEN TO YOU YELL ABOUT ME NOT CALLING, ALTHOUGH IT WAS YOUR STUPID FAULT I DIDN’T CALL YOU. 2. I FOUND ANOTHER GIRL TO CONSUME MY TIME.
WHEN IM SCARED
Girl-HOLD ME AND TELL ME EVERYTHING WILL BE OK CAUSE I AM WITH YOU
Boy- FEAR? IM NOT AFRAID OF ANYTHING.
WHEN I LOOK LIKE SOMETHINGS THE MATTER
Girl- KISS ME AND TELL ME NOT TO WORRY
Boy- SOMETHING PROBABLY IS AND 9 CHANCES OUT OF 10 IT HAS TO DO WITH YOU. THAT OTHER 10 PERCENT PROBABLY HAS TO DO WITH MY ANXIETIES OVER SOME SPORT.
WHILE I HOLD YOUR HANDS
Girl- PLAY WITH MY FINGERS
Boy- YOU BETTER BE DOING SOMETHING ELSE, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
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You know you’re in college when… 1. High school started before 8am, but now anything before noon is considered “early.” 2. You have more beer than food in your fridge. 3. Weekends start on Thursday. 4. 6am is when you go to sleep, not when you wake up. 5. You know many different ways to cook ramen noodles or macaroni and cheese. 6. The health center gives out free condoms, and people take them… just in case. 7. Instead of falling asleep in class, you stay in bed. 8. You know how late McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Qdoba, etc. are open. 9. You think it’s the weekend on a Wednesday and you don’t know what month it is. 10. You can’t remember the last time you washed your car. 11. Your underwear/sock supply dictates your laundry schedule. 12. You check Facebook/Myspace more than once a day. 13. You get drunk dialed on any night of the week. 14. You wash dishes in the bathroom sink. 15. You’ve fallen off a loft bed. 16. You talk about beer pong like it’s a sport. 17. Finding random people in your house is perfectly normal, and you even sympathize with them… sometimes when you wake up you have no idea where you are. 18. Your primary news sources are the Daily Show and the Colbert Report. 19. You open a beer at 10 am and your roommate asks you if there’s more. 20. The standard of meals per day falls to two, sometimes just one. 21. Your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t. 22. You go to Target or WalMart more than 3 times a week. 23. You wear the same jeans for 13 days without washing them. 24. Your breakfast consists of a coke or cereal bar on the way to class… anything with caffeine will do. 25. Quarters are like gold. 26. Your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some ramen noodles. 27. You live in a house with three couches, none of which match. 28. You try to study but seem to procrastinate by eating, going to study breaks, talking to people, etc… 29. You talk to your roommate on instant messenger when you’re both home. 30. You ask people what YOU did last night. 31. Facebook becomes a part of your daily life – when friends say something funny, oh “that’s going on facebook.” When friends take pictures of you, you wonder how long it will take them to post them. 32. You’ve seen a hit and run involving a bicyclist/pedestrian. 33. You see people you know you’ve met but can never remember their names or how you know them. 34. You sleep more in class than in your room 35. Your idea of a square meal is a box of Pop-Tarts. 36. You’ve traveled with bags of dirty clothes. 37. You go home to do your laundry because you’re too poor to pay the $2… or too lazy to go to a change machine. 38. You pay $100 for a book you don’t read once, return it four months later, and get $7. 39. More than 20% of your household furnishings are made from milk crates. 40. You recognize the meat in the dorm soup as yesterday’s meatloaf, and thus decide to eat a nice bowl of cereal – a safe bet for any meal. 41. You use words like “thus” (see #40). 42. You throw out bowls and plates because you don’t feel like washing them. 43. Your beer pong table is nicer than all your other tables. 44. It takes preparation… and 3 people… to take out your garbage. 45. Going to the library is a social event. 46. You wear flip flops in the shower your freshman year… you know why. 47. You start joining clubs because of the free food. 48. Visits home depend on how much money you have for gas. 49. You skip one class to write a paper for another. 50. You have no idea where your tuition money is going… technology fees? I think not. 51. Bicycles don’t seem as lame as they did in high school. 52. You stay up late to finish homework then sleep through the class in which it was due. 53. Girls: You’ve balanced your foot on a shampoo bottle to shave. 54. Your backpack is giving you scoliosis. 55. You’ve written a check for 45 cents or stopped to get $2.00 of gas. 56. Your bill in the bookstore will be comparable to tuition. 57. Going to the mailbox becomes an ego booster/breaker. 58. Most of your T.A.s are foreign…what’s the deal? 59. You never realized so many people are smarter than you. 60. You never realized so many people are dumber than you. 61. Western Europe could be wiped out by a terrible plague and you’d never know, but you can recite the last episode of your favorite show verbatim. 62. Care packages rank right up there with birthdays. 63. You craft ways to make any game into a drinking/stripping game. 64. You meet the type of people you thought only existed in the movies. 65. Printers break down only when you desperately need them. 66. Anything can be cooked in a microwave. 67. Two words: bike cops. 68. You have Safe Ride programmed into your phone. 69. Old school Nintendo… and guitar hero… are pretty much the best things ever. 70. Going to the grocery at midnight is completely normal. 71. You call restaurants that deliver more than you call your own family. 72. You’ve paid bills over $5… in coins. 73. You can’t imagine life without your computer/cell phone/ ipod. 74. Hoodies and sweatpants become the norm – jeans are considered “dressy” at certain occasions… like school. 75. A canceled class is almost as exciting as Christmas. 76. Taking a nap in the library is perfectly acceptable. 77. Your professors speak English… as a second language. 78. Your teachers swear in class and no one cares. 79. Candles in your dorm room are considered contraband, but cigarettes are ok. 80. You finish reading this and wonder how you can procrastinate next. |
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In the 1400’s a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have “the rule of thumb”.
Many years ago in Scotland , a new game was invented. It was ruled “Gentlemen Only…Ladies Forbidden”…and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
Coca-Cola was originally green.
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades – King David
Hearts – Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds – Julius Caesar
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter “A”?
A. One thousand
Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
Q. What is the only food that doesn’t spoil?
A. Honey
In Shakespeare’s time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase……… “goodnight, sleep tight.”
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride’s father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts… So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them “Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down.” It’s where we get the phrase “mind your P’s and Q’s”
Many years ago in England , pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. “Wet your whistle” is the phrase
inspired by this practice.
Don’t delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it……….
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!!!!!!
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PRESS RELEASE DIRECTLY TO CBS, NBC, & ABC NETWORKS
This is documented proof that our G.I.’s torture the Iraqi children….
* * * Shocking Pictures * * *
Armed American Troops Force Iraqi’s to See-Saw Until They Talk!
Iraqi Child Bites GI In Self Defense After Obvious Torture
GI Falls Asleep On Duty While Using Iraqi Child As Body Armor
GI Overheard to say .. “Talk or I’ll tickle you till you pee!”
Soldier Attempts to Eat Iraqi Child
Clear Evidence of Forced Labor by Troops
Iraqi’s Grateful That American Forces Did Not Open Fire During Soccer Game
Soldier Caught At “Tickle-Torture” To Extract Intelligence
GI Forces Iraqi Child To Hang By Finger
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Wow the joys of working Saturday nights…. Okay so its not really that bad…Typically I probably wouldnt even complain this much other than Becca and Paul are in town and that just seems to ruin this whole being responsible thing…all I really want to do is say hey…Party time…Plus ergh Matt and I are struggling lately…yah that really is a good way of putting it… I know why we are doing it….and it sucks…we both feel so guilty. I know I do…it just seems to bounce back and forth who’s the guilty party… one day all the blame is on me than the next Matt feels that things are all his fault because he cant change the way he feels…. plus he begins to think that he isnt good enough for me…wait a second now…isnt that up to me to decide? why I do believe it is…Ofcourse he is!!!!! He treats me so incredibly well…He is fair and honest…respects me…cares for loves me….he is polite(usually) but who is polite all the time? haha…try and add a little humor……….yah its dry I know…
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“You’re Still The One”
(When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after
all this time, you’re still the one I love.)
Looks like we made it
Look how far we’ve come my baby
We mighta took the long way
We knew we’d get there someday
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
Ain’t nothin’ better
We beat the odds together
I’m glad we didn’t listen
Look at what we would be missin’
They said, “I bet they’ll never make it”
But just look at us holding on
We’re still together still going strong
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You’re still the one I want for life
(You’re still the one)
You’re still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You’re still the one I kiss good night
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How many men does it take to open a beer?
>None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
———————————————-
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
>Because a woman who can’t even afford a washing machine will probably
never be able to support you.
———————————————-
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
>It’s one of those “evolutionary things” that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
———————————————-
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
>When she starts her sentence with “A man once told me…”
———————————————-
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
>You don’t. There is a clock on the oven.
———————————————-
Why do men break wind more than women?
>Because women can’t shut up long enough to build up the required
pressure.
>———————————————-
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door, who do you let in first?
>The dog, of course. He’ll shut up once you let him in.
———————————————-
What’s worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
>A woman who won’t do what she’s told.
———————————————-
I married Miss Right. I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
———————————————-
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive
by 90%. It’s called a Wedding Cake.
———————————————-
Why do men die before their wives?
>They want to.
———————————————-
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street
with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
———————————————-
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man
and rested. Then God created Woman. Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
———————————————-
Send this to a few good men who need a laugh and to the select few women
>who can handle the truth
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Every man should know that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his own hands!
This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant other!
> DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner?
> SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
> SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
> ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
>
> DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
> SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
> SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
> ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
>
> DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
> SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
> SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.
> ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
>
> DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
> SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
> ULTRASAFE: Have some chocolate
>
> DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
> SAFER: I hope you didn’t over-do it today.
> SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe!
> ULTRASAFE: Have some more chocolate.
>
Pass this to all men who need a warning.
And remember: Money talks….But Chocolate sings.
